My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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