Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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