i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize