I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
