Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my poor anus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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