So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
