I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
