I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
