i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
