Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
