The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
