Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
