my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
