Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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