If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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