i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
