she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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