i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
