Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
