9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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