my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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