Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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