He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
