Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
