why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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