he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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