What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
