I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
