He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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