yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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