she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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