So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
