I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
