I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
