if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
