I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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