Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
