I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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