He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
