I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The adults are the big ones right?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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