Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
