Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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