My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
