the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
