he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
