I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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