That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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