I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
