we have officially lost it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
