On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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