i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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