Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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