She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
