i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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