You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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