I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
