and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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