I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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