Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
