I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
