your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
