So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
