Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
