I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
