what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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