Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
