I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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