from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
