Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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